


But if we just spoke, like we meant it

by AllCopsAreBastards



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F, How did Hope know where Amy lived? This fic explain this, Oblivious Amy, Pining, White Converse Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 11:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19722592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllCopsAreBastards/pseuds/AllCopsAreBastards
Summary: Sometimes, Amy thinks, it’s like the world closes around itself.Like the time she came out in tenth grade.The second time the world closes around itself, she’s in junior year.And she had just been paired with Hope.Hope, of all people.





	But if we just spoke, like we meant it

**Author's Note:**

> just watched booksmart two days ago and at the end i was like but how does Hope know where Amy lives, so i had to write this. Title is from the song Cold War by Cautious Clay, the same song that starts to sound when they are about to fuck in the movie.

Sometimes, Amy thinks, it’s like the world closes around itself.

Like the time she came out in tenth grade.

The cross hanging on the living room of her parent’s house feels like it’s judging her when she passes it every morning heading to school; sin, bad, perverted.

She has just turned sixteen and it feels like is choking her, her head hurts everyday for putting up a façade where she isn’t hopelessly in love with Ryan. Where she isn’t in love with a _girl._

The cross is there when she tells her parents, nervous and shaky, burning holes through her head. But a weight has come off her chest, relief coursing through her veins and when her ever so lovely parents hug her and kiss her head and tell her they aren’t going to love her less because she’s gay, Amy feels like she is floating.

Then they ask about Molly with knowing smirks and Amy grimaces because that’s not what it is. But she does spend a lot of her time with Molly, they do have an intense friendship, have been inseparable since childhood when Molly defend her of bullies making fun of her nose using insults Amy herself didn’t understand, and she can’t convince her parents otherwise.

Now every time she goes to Molly’s, her parents just raise their eyebrows and smile cheekily. It makes Amy want to hit her face against a wall.

With the school was sort of the same.

She thought telling her family was going to be enough, but then how was she going to manage to land a date if girls didn’t know she was on the market in first place?

So she made an Instagram post. A long one detailing how people like her have fought for their rights and finishing it with; _yeah, I’m proud to be gay :)_

She hopes Ryan will look at her the next morning, maybe something like; yeah I’m here and I’m ready to mingle. But instead everyone assumes she’s dating Molly, and that her friend refuses to come out of the closet. And Amy can’t blame them because she and Molly dating does make a lot of sense, at least for outsiders who doesn’t know better, because Amy has never felt that way towards her best friend― even if lesbians falling in love with their straight best friend happens more often than not― and Molly is resentfully attracted to boys.

But one girl does start to sneak glances in her way. Hope has always sited in the row next to Amy, one seat behind her, and this gives her the perfect angle to look at Amy without the girl noticing it.

But Amy does notice. And how could she not? Hope has this rest bitch face always on and her stare is heavy, making Amy shift uncomfortably in her seat. One day she works up the courage to return her stare and Hope, the ever so cocky Hope, doesn’t even flinch when she’s caught. Their eyes lock, and Hope continues to stare her intensely until her lips turn into a smile and then into her rest bitch face again, not looking away for a second.

Amy stares at the front again, with a confused expression. She has never exchanged more than a few words with Hope and she is pretty sure their few conversations had always been school related.

So, why, why, _why._

If Amy was braver, she would yell at Hope, have you never seen a lesbian before?

But she wasn’t. Amy couldn’t do nothing more but to spend the rest of her sophomore year squirming under a heavy brown stare.

//

The second time the world closes around itself, she’s in junior year.

And she had just been paired with Hope.

Hope, of all people.

It’s not because she’s popular and kind of mean, Amy isn’t as obtuse as to think that because Hope cares about her looks and social life, it makes her less intelligent. No, she’s above that and she knows it won’t be hard to work with her because of that, she knows Hope will make her part and act responsibly.

That’s not why she’s dreading this project so much.

It’s because the way Hope makes her feel, like if her skin wanted to peel off her bones itself, like if she was about to explode. And that’s only with a heavy stare, Amy isn’t sure what is going to happen with her with all the time she’s about to spend next to Hope’s company.

She’s probably going to combust.

“Hey.” The taller girl hits her palms against Amy’s desk. She stiffens a jump, startled, and tries to look as composed as ever. Hope only watches her with her rest bitch face. “So for the project, I was wondering where―”

“My house.” Amy blurts out too quickly. She can not escape Hope but at least she can be in the safety of her house, where she can have a sense of control and not drive her completely mad.

“Okay.” Hope licks her lips and then gives Amy another of her oh so infuriating stares. “Let me give you my number so you can send me the address.”

Amy quickly registers her as a contact, the sooner Hope leaves, the better.

“So are you free this Friday?” Amy hopes, no, wishes, that the other girl isn’t going to be free, that she is going to have a party, or whatever basic hot girls that are going to peak in high school do.

“Yeah, this Friday is perfect.” But unfortunately, Hope cares about her grade despite the fact that Amy would have been glad of doing all the work alone. Anything that would not make her interact with the brunette. Hope is looking at her with something close to eagerness and before Amy can think about it, the taller girl is exiting the classroom.

//

Friday comes to soon for Amy’s liking. She’s tucking and untucking her shirt nervously and Molly is telling her the story of how she got an UTI because she masturbated with an electric toothbrush again, when her mom tells her there’s someone at the door waiting for her. Amy’s heart drops to her stomach.

Hope is at the doorway, with her high waisted jeans, tucked shirt in, and vintage suede fringed jacket. 

It’s so infuriating.

“Hi.” Hope says, and Amy is taken aback for the softness in her voice. Before she can say anything, Molly is bumping her shoulder, screaming, “I’ll see you later” without even throwing a glance in the taller girl direction. 

“Uhh, come in.” She finally finds her voice but Hope doesn’t move. Instead she’s staring to where Molly left, her I’m-to-cool-for-you expression back on. Amy wonders if she thinks the same as the school, that she and Molly are dating, and if the frown on her face is anything to go by, she probably does.

Hope suddenly looks irritated and Amy doesn’t know what she did wrong.

“Hope.” This finally catches her attention. “Let’s go to the living room.”

Amy leads the way, they end up sitting in front of each other, only the table between them. Amy swears that if she moves her legs a little their knees could brush.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you say my name.” Her voice sounds nonchalant, but Amy can see that there’s genuinely curiosity in her brown eyes.

“What? Of course I have said it before.” She sputters because she has been all high school with Hope, almost three years. There’s no way she hadn’t said it before.

“No, I don’t think so.” Her gaze feels heavier. “Trust me, I would remember.”

And Amy doesn’t understand why would Hope remember something as banal as that but she doesn’t dwell on it.

(She should have.)

“Okay, I believe you.” She chuckles, trying to break their awkwardness. But Hope is looking at her like _that_ again and she isn’t sure she’s going to survive this day. But she has always been a practical person, so she does the thing she does best; homework, she opens the English Literature book and starts to discuss with Hope about Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz. That is something she can get behind and Hope is bright, and only ten minutes after they are arguing what’s her best sonnet.

After one hour, their project is almost done and they are taking a break. Hope is watching her from behind the glass of chocolate milk that her dad brought them along with a few snacks.

“So you and Ryan huh?”

“Me and Ryan what?” Amy is thrown off by the question.

Hope rolls her eyes. She sets the glass down and there’s a milk mustache on her face. It’s weird seeing someone as Hope like this, when she’s always so composed. Amy suppress the urge to wipe it herself.

“You like her, don’t you?”

“You don’t think Molly and I are dating?”

Hope shrugs and she finally wipes the milk mustache.

“I’m not sure to be honest. But I have seen the way you look at Ryan.”

“I didn’t know you payed a lot of attention to me.”

Hope ignores her comment. “Do you even know if she’s into girls?”

Amy snorts. “Have you seen her? She has all these butch vibes. Plus I have never seen her with boys.”

“But you don’t go out that much do you?” There’s a mischief in her eyes, some kind of amusement like if she knows something that Amy doesn’t. Which is impossible because Amy knows everything that there’s to know about Ryan.

She frowns. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Hope shakes her head as if Amy was a stupid child. “It has to do with everything, actually.” She looks at Amy for a long agonizing moment before adding, “You do know that not all girls that like girls are like Ryan, right?” The brunette moves forward and Oh God now their knees are touching. “Some of them are feminine.”

If Amy was paying more attention, maybe she would have got the message Hope was trying to send her. But she wasn’t, so instead she was blinking unbelievably at her words.

“Of course I know dumbass. I am a femme lesbian,” Hope slouches in the chair, her whole posture seems to deflate. Amy is just grateful that her nerves aren’t tingling anymore and then she remembers something. “also, Ryan always wears white converse. That’s like peak gay.”

Hopes rests her check on her hand and looks at her with an expression she can’t decipher. It’s like her rest bitch face but more focused. “Yeah, so gay.”

(Amy feels like she’s forgetting something.)

They finish the homework an hour after, and if Amy got distracted about the way Hope looked when she was focused, about how her lips pursed, about how her mouth is kinda weird; her upper lip was bulged and it seemed to eat the bottom lip, about how it would feel to kiss them, she doesn’t think about it. Or at least she tries. She can believe she’s having these kinds of thoughts about Hope. Hope, of all people.

It’s not until Hope leaves and Amy watches her go that she realizes something;

Hope is wearing dirty white converse.

She tries very hard not to think about it. And she succeeds.

//

She doesn’t think about it until more than one year after in her last day of senior year.

Not until Amy has her hands in fists grabbing at her fringed jacket. The same jacket she never takes off.

Not until Hope is under her, in Nick’s aunt’s bathroom, looking at her with a nervous smile.

Not until she is untying those same dirty white converse.

And honestly, she should have known.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope being a bottom was the biggest plottwist. 
> 
> But we need the audience to comment 😔👊


End file.
